I’ve finished my classes at Great Language School and now I’m getting ready to move, searching for another job, working part time and training kung-fu full time. It’s a strange time for me because I have so many mixed feelings.

I’m very happy to be done teaching children and sad that I won’t see the children anymore. Happy to have free time and sad to have left the best working environment I’ve had in six plus years.

It’s the same thing with the jobs I’m excited about the possibility of getting a job that will pay me enough to knock off my debts in a year and at the same time I’d rather get out of the English teaching business all together. I need to push my writing projects and see if they’ve actually got legs because with the chance to get an APRC on the horizon living in Taiwan and being an international writer would be fucking ideal.

Through all of this I keep getting pulled back by the lazy, stoner side of my nature (I don’t even need to smoke weed to be entertained by hours of Pac Man…) which just wants to do nothing and then eat at bit and do more nothing. What I really want is to get some kind of rhythm to my life where I can balance my ambitions and laziness…

Lots and lots of thoughts about my upcoming travels, thoughts of people and places I love.

Here we are roughly a year later and I’m finishing up my contract at Great Language school. It’s been a year of growth and change for me and confusion too, naturally.

I’ll be visiting the family over the next few months and trying to figure out what to do from there. My main goal is to pay off the remaining 10K of my student loan so that I’ll finally be free of that high interest mess.

That goal has me looking at Korea, the Middle East and pretty much anywhere else I can make at least 2000 US dollars per month and live on 500 US dollars. I’m excited and interested to see how it all turns out but also worn out and tired of the uncertainty of it all.

A new option has opened up for me in the possibility of getting my Alien Permanent Resident Card here in Taiwan. This would mean that I could work wherever I wanted and not have to have a work visa. Freeing me to mix and match and opening up more lucrative options at places that are not able to provide work visas. The most attractive option by far would be working full time with the bicycle company I currently teach part time at and I submitted a business proposal to do just that yesterday (Tuesday).

This would represent a salary that allows me to reach my financial goals, a big jump in challenge and interest without having to prove myself to a new set of students and a way to stay in the country that I’ve come to feel at home in. I do not know what the chances are but I’m excited that it is even an option. I certainly didn’t anticipate having this option.

Before meeting Mandy (my girlfriend) and Teacher Ho (my taijiquan teacher) I had been very, very ready to leave Taiwan. I wanted to leave because I wanted to pay off my loan and make progress professionally, also because I wasn’t progressing personally or martially but it was always a bittersweet feeling.

Now I don’t know what’s going to happen so I’m just taking the steps I can toward getting the APRC, finding another job (wherever) and trusting that as Teacher Ho says, “Nothing ever goes wrong.”

The past week has not been kind to me as I’ve had severe sunburn and then food poisoning which lead to diarrhea, fever and muscle cramping. With all this I’ve had to visit the doctor four times in the last six days and I live in a country with the dreaded socialized medicine. Set aside what you may have heard on Fox News and let me tell you what my first hand experience was.

I never waited more than 30 minutes to see the doctor, I never paid more than $4.50 for any of the visits, including medicine, I had acupuncture for the muscle cramping and it was covered (without any f’ing referrals) and the kicker is even were I totall uninsured I would have only paid $12 per visit. May God protect the United States from such horrors.

I begin with these two pictures not because they feature great men (Jigoro Kano in black in the first and Morihei Ueshiba, not falling down, in the second) but because they’re decent representations of the two perspectives that I want to talk about.

Kano is bent slightly at the waist and the knees as well, he’s got the appearance of a man about to explode into action, which he no doubt is. He also has some clear intention as to what that action will be.

Ueshiba on the other hand appears to have unintentionally sent a man crashing to the ground.

This isn’t meant to be a commentary on these two men it would be asinine to do so based on two pictures one of them a moment in time prior to a technique and the other a moment in time after a technique so please don’t get caught up in any of that. Just consider the pictures, feel them if you can.

In the last few weeks I’ve been working with two teachers (who I’ll call teacher A and teacher B) and I’ve begun to notice a subtle difference. These are both men who’ve trained in the martial arts their whole lives and made them their profession one as a teacher and one as a presidential bodyguard. They share a common teacher and have similar attitudes about martial arts in many ways, both emphasizing a relaxed, connected, fluid body and use of leverage and whole body power instead of localized strikes and localized force (using only one part of the body’s strength). At the heart of what they do is understanding and using the center of gravity; teacher A moves from his own center of gravity while teacher B controls the center of gravity of those he spars with.

This may seem a small difference and in terms of trying to defend yourself if they chose to attack you it would be, but it is a difference that matters because the way we think and the way we hold our bodies go together and their combined effect reaches out into every aspect of our lives. I want to talk to you about one situation in which I observed the difference in my life and work.

Back in December, about the time I met teacher A, I was really struggling with my youngest class (8-10 year olds) as I talked to teacher A I recognized that my posture and attitude during the class were totally about reaching out with a strong intention to control them and therefore the class. Since I was frequently giving myself headaches and getting no positive results with the class I immediately changed my behavior.

I began by changing the physical part since that’s easier to work with. I put an eraser on my head as I taught class this prevented me leaning over from the waist and neck and kept me standing upright, balanced. The kids laughed their asses off about this and I did too then I noticed other changes.

As I stopped trying to control everything and started keeping myself centered I didn’t have headaches as often, I was more able to adapt my lesson plans to the ever changing situation of the class, I had more fun. Even if this was all that happened because of the eraser it would have been enough but it didn’t stop there.

The students began coming to me with questions when they didn’t understand, they began to look at me for their next signal and they began to quiet each other down when they could see that I wasn’t happy with their behavior. They began to play with me, to show up early, oddly enough they even began to improve.

All of this was connected to only two elements that I can see 1 my change in posture and 2 the passage of time. There are always other factors which we accidentally miss or cannot see, this is why no science is an exact science, we have to take into account the unknown and yet to the best of my understanding by simply standing up, balancing my posture and energy I improved the environment of my class and it’s pedagogical value.

More thoughts on my continued exploration to come, give it a try.

Dear LeBron,

I’m guessing that this is a strange time for you what with your new team and new status as the most hated man in America, I’m also guessing you can take the heat and the Heat a long way into the playoffs. I’m not at all happy about this, I mean I’m a Pistons fan and would step on the gas if I saw Alonzo Mourning or Pat Riley crossing the street in front of me but like you I’m also a pragmatist.

You chose Miami because you’ve got a good chance to win there and excellent teammates; it is a better situation for you than Cleveland, no matter what people say about your legacy as a failure in your home state. I wanted you to stay in Cleveland too but that was because I knew you weren’t going to win a damn thing there.

But your pragmatic decision has spurred me to make one of my own and I’m extending the offer of my services as a backup point guard. Mario Chalmers needs someone to give him a rest now and then and you can’t afford anyone else so I’m in for the minimum with a few conditions.

First between you, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh you need to sort me out a place to stay, a personal chef and trainer, a visa for my girl and a new Surly Cross-Check bicycle to get me to practice and games. Oh and tell Dwyane to hook me up with a full seasons worth of the DWade 2’s from Converse (his Nikes, and yours, don’t work for me). In return you’ll get my best efforts as a teammate and a player.

A little about me I’m comparable to a number of NBA greats given that I; weigh as much as Allen Iverson, run the floor like Dikembe Mutumbo, have the same complexion as Chris Mullin and Clyde Drexler’s receding hairline. On a serious note there are going to be a lot of open jumpers with the three of you drawing double teams and I will knock those down consistently in practice, in games, in the playoffs. I’m talking 50% plus and I’m serious whatever else I can or cannot do with a basketball I can knock down the open jumper.

As a teammate you’ll find me quiet, friendly, professional and sarcastic. I’m also the guy who’ll tell you when you’re full of shit and, let’s be honest, you need that guy in your life, badly.

As for the rest of the bench I have a few suggestions; Dennis Rodman, Rolando Blackman and Theo Ratliff. Like me they bring some specific skills and they’re what you can afford plus they’re the guys I want to talk too while y’all are running up the score.

Talk to your people and let me know and remember I come to win.

peace,

Ryan J. Barber

I had to take Mandy home this morning and it was rainy pretty good so we covered up as well as we could in garbage sack like rain jackets and headed out on the scooter.

Mandy like many Taichung residents hates the rain, mainly because they’re spoiled with excellent weather 49 weeks of the year more or less, and she was complaining about it this morning, “Wo taoyuan sha wu.” (I hate rain.) I told her I love rain and that I try to think of going out in the rain as an adventure because adventures are fun. We rode on to her house and I think that he was able to hear me because she loosened up and enjoyed the ride.

Tonight as I was leaving school, in the rain again, Mike and I chatted about movies and pulled on our rain gear and I felt deeply grateful for the life I have. All the more so because I know that life is always changing.

Life really is an adventure if we let it be one, it’s an adventure and an education if we choose to understand it in that way. For me the past year has been full of slowly getting better at something (teaching kids) I was terrible at before and being paid to do it. It’s also been full of riding a borrowed scooter way the hell out into the mountains to start my tai chi chuan training over. And it’s been having my whole life turned about by a woman who loves me.

Now as I said I feel very grateful for this life but I’ve begun to realize that feeling grateful isn’t a matter of having lots of success to feel grateful for as much as it’s a matter of choosing to feel grateful. I could choose to view the way things have gone of late as a miserable failure because my classes often don’t go well, the kids often get on my nerves, I’m having to relearn so much about tai chi chuan for the first time, Mandy is constantly f’ing up my schedule… but why would I want to do that when it’s just as easy to be grateful and to enjoy the life I have?

My friend and (informal) Zen teacher Glenn is always talking about how we tend to live our lives as stories instead of as direct experiences. It can be a difficult concept but the way I understand it now is that I could tell the negative story about my life, viewing it as I explained in the last paragraph, or I could tell a more positive story but both are stories and not life. The goal of Zen is to stop telling stories to simply let things be and to enjoy the story at the same time… at least that’s what I think it is.

I’ll leave you with this since it’s the best way I can say things at this point. The more I tell and form the story of my life the busier I am trying to control the story, the more frustrated I am that the story isn’t perfect, the more miserable I am. The more I listen to the story, the more I live it as it happens, letting it be what it is, the more naturally it flows and the more amazed I am at how perfect it is.

Well I’ve ended my cleanse and it was a great success, my weight dropped at least eight pounds which was nice. Still this wasn’t the goal the goal was to clean my body out and I think that I accomplished a lot on that front though I don’t feel all that much different than I did before.

What this experiment has really shown me is how easy it is to make raw fruits and vegetables a primary part of my diet. Even eating only fruits and vegetables wasn’t that hard and if I allow myself healthy portions of meats and grains this becomes an easy diet to maintain on all levels.

My hope going forward is to keep my weight well down between 165 at the low end and 175 at the high end. I expect that this will vary with the time of year and type of training I’m doing but not a great deal. I feel good and look better at this weight so I would like to maintain and gradually reduce my body fat to less than 10%.

Another thing that this experiment continues to make clear is the value of real food versus “food products”. I consider real food to be things like raw carrots, bananas, home cooked meals like spaghetti or salads and food products to be things like chips, soda and other heavily processed foods. Food products are often cheap and they’re always, always, always easy to find and eat which is why we eat so many of them and also why we should treat them as poisons.

I’m not a vegan or any form of extremist so I’m not planning to stop eating all of these things or making myself sick at the sight or smell of them. What I’m planning to do is to throw out all of them that I don’t really like and eat those I really enjoy only occasionally and in much smaller amounts. The point for me is balance and sustainability both for my body and for my world.

I’m also planning to make time to enjoy real foods. It could be as simple as a bunch of grapes or more complex like a meal but I see very deep value in preparing, eating and appreciating healthy food. In a way it feels like valuing my food is valuing myself, which I know I need to do more.

The series didn’t go like I called it for two reasons the first occurred last and is obvious, Kendrick Perkins went down for the last two games. If the big fellas is healthy and playing it’s over in six and Boston goes home happy.

The second wasn’t something I noticed until I read this report on CNNSI.com

• Ray Allen. After hitting a Finals-record eight threes in Boston’s Game 2 win at Los Angeles, Allen was kneed in the thigh by Artest in the opening minutes of Game 3. His thigh was badly swollen and bruised and he was held out of practice for all but 10 minutes for Games 4 and 5. Over the final five games, he was 4-of-28 from the three-point line, and 3-of-14 from the field overall in Game 7, while missing several open shots.

Read more: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2010/writers/ian_thomsen/06/17/countdown.lakers.celtics/index.html#ixzz0rZ7H8100

Ray Allen generally doesn’t talk about injuries (he played the ‘08 season on ankles that needed surgery) so I missed this but it’s fair to say that had he been healthy the series probably wouldn’t have gone to six games and certainly not beyond.

In any case it was an interesting finals and one the NBA badly needed. See at the draft.

This is day three of my fruit cleanse and it’s driving home just how much I treat food as entertainment instead of sustenance and how much I look to food for comfort. I don’t think it’s bad to enjoy ones food, most of us need to eat after all, but I do feel food addictions/dependencies are profoundly unhealthy.

They’re also easy to miss since everyone eats or tries to anyway. For those of us who’re wealthy enough to eat whatever we want whenever we want (not all people are) food is a real challenge because healthy eating goes against our cultural norms, is often more expensive and time consuming and is sometimes just less fun.

I know I’m looking forward to eating a lot of things that aren’t good for me when this is over but I’m trying to focus on the things that are tasty and good for me. I’m also aiming for a balance with five days being fairly controlled both in terms of portions and what I can eat and two days being given to reasonable enjoyment of whatever I feel like eating. I think it’s very doable and I’ve already done a fair amount of it. Now I’m off to buy some grapes.