The Angry Jew

The rantings of an Angry Jew in The Pacific Northwest

I don’t get invited to a lot of parties, so when an invitation to one comes my way, I go out of my way to attend.

This is how I came to be in Salem Saturday for a little gathering to celebrate the birthday’s of Little One and one of her roommates, the always effervescent Kaylie.  You see, Little One, is her ongoing quest to avoid anything remotely resembling a simple life, lives with three other girls.  There is Katie, the artist, Meredith;

Merideth

the rugged sportswoman (she loves to go hunting with her beau ) and Kayle, who, well lets just say she sometimes just defies description.

The 4 of them occupy a rental home in Salem that has to be close to 100 years old.  You wander through it and you have to wonder what function some of the design features served.  Odd hallways, doors leading nowhere, closets made for midgets, and yet, it seems to suit it’s current occupants to a tee.

Now the plan that was presented to me was fairly simple, show up at 930, but I was to call before I got there.  You see, prior to the birthday party, there was another event, the girlie party.  Guys, let me tell you, if you eve get invited to a party that is after one of these…..GO, don’t think, just go.

For the uninitiated, these are the Tupperware parties featuring sex toys.

Need I say more?

GOOD TIMES

Anyway, I arrived a few minutes early and texted to see if it was safe for me to make my entrance.  Little One met me outside and stashed me in the garage as the ladies were still placing their orders for edible undies and B.O.B.’s.  (Battery Operated Boyfriends)

Well, never one to be shy about making myself at home, I took up a spot in the backyard and proceed to engage inone of my favorite activities, meeting new people.

The folks who showed up for this little gathering were an eclectic bunch, to say the very least.  the first person whose acquaintance I made was an elementary school teacher from Beaverton.  We had a very interesting conversation about the poor state of modern parenting and the frustrations of teaching kids to pass standardized tests rather then stuff they might actually be able to use in real life.

While this was going on, I traded jokes with Maria, the Pixie (God, I love women who make me feel tall) as she gave into her pyromaniac tendencies with Jeff at the fire pit.

Pixie and Jeff Get The Fire Going

I have to admit, she got me with the “two tampons pass each other on the street” joke.  As the night progressed I found another endearing quality about The Pixie.  She is able to talk faster then other person I have ever met.  At one point I was in fear that her lips were going to burst into flame from the friction.  The amazing part was, unlike most 20 something females in their cups, she actually said stuff worth listening to.

I spent some time talking with Ivan, a recent college graduate with a degree in International Studies who was biding his time in an insurance company call center while deciding what was next for him.  Then Kaylie, who was, by this time, well on her way to a blinding hangover, shared with me her favorite drink.  A shot of strawberry vodka, floated on top of  an energy shot. with a cherry.  YUM

I stuck to a rather good home brew that someone had brought.

Next to be met was Cowgirl Kim.  Kim hails from Texas and as she tells it, she was born with blond hair and blue eyes which changed to brown hair and brown eyes as she got older.  Something about getting filled with the Texas BS.  Anyhow, she regaled us with tales of her grandmother and all of were sharing stories about our travels overseas.  I guess that was what surprised me most, how well traveled this group was.  Almost everyone I talked to had traveled outside the US rather extensively, I found it unusual for a group of people so young, well young by my standards anyway.

Around 1a.m. things started to wind down, and as usual, someone made the call to “head to the bar.”  Im not sure, but I think The Pixie was the instigator on this one.  I was all for it, Katie had slugged me in my bad shoulder and I was ready for a little hard liquor to sooth the pain.

With Little One driving, she had not been drinking, myself, The Pixie, “MegaDeath” Meredith and Cowgirl Kim headed out to a local watering hole known as On The Rocks.  Now, I am not a club person, I do my drinking in bars.  So I was needlessly a little concerned when I could hear the pumping bass as soon as I opened the car door.

“Uh, I thought we were going to a bar?” asked I.

“It is a bar” the group responded “They just have music.”

Righhhhhtttttt

Well, much to my relief they had stopped letting people in and we piled back in the car.  Little One ignored our pleas to stop at a bar on the way home, so, on returning to the house, I took the Pixie up on her offer of a shot of her Crown Royal.

Our little band gathered on the front porch of the house and for some reason got on the topic of southern food.  Like I said, it was a pretty eclectic group, and I think it was decided that a road trip to either Texas or Memphis was in order in the near future.

Sign Me Up.

Need less to say, this was an awsome night for me spent in the company of some very intereting ladies.  Several of them pledged to join us at the Holiday Ale Festival next weekend, and if they do, all I can say is, God Help You Portland.

Here we have another shining example of humanity at it’s very best.

(insert heavy sarcasm here)

A Wal Mart employee in Valley Stream on Long Island was trampled to death this morning when unruly crowds broke down the doors to get at the early morning sales.  Three shoppers were also injured, including a pregnant woman.

Is this what we are?

Is this what Baby Jesus wanted you to do?

God people just make me fucking SICK!

Someone explain the rational behind this senseless death to me.  We are in the midst of an unprecedented downturn in the global economy.  The Government says the American consumer has to get out there and spend to get things back on track.

Is this why this man died?

Retailers were projected to have one of the worst holiday seasons on record.  Consumers have been told they can expect to find less selection and deeper discounts on holiday items.

Is THIS why he died.

Has our society degenerated to the point that crass commercialism is the only thing that drives us anymore?  Are we incapable of expressing love for one another without the exchange of consumer goods?  Has human life become so trivial that we will accept the death of human being as an acceptable price to be paid in the hopes we can earn the love and respect of our children by giving into their every material wish?

THIS IS WHY THIS MAN DIED

I hold every shopper who was in front of a store this morning, frothing at the mouth to get IT before someone else did responsible for this mans death.  I hold every advertising executive who designed a campaign that extolled the virtues of BUY BUY BUY accountable.

This what we have become?

I am sickened by this in a way I have never felt before.

What sickens me most, is that by tomorrow, no one will recall anything about it, and it wont have changed a single thing.

That’s what I am supposed to write today.  A smarmy piece dripping with love and peace and harmony.

Well Screw That!

Today , across America, we will gather in groups of people who rarely speak, and pretend to love each other for the one of three days a year we force ourselves to act out this farce.  We might volunteer our time to hand out crumbs to the less fortunate before we settle down to our own feasts.  We will give quaint little speeches about how thankful we are for the people in our lives, friends and family alike, and then settle in for the Dallas game.

Then, tomorrow, with bellies that are still distended, we are expected to swarm out like maddened lemmings and fight our way through pre dawn “door busters”, “sock sales” and in general create some lovely sound bites for the media talking heads to use as back drops for their “Black Friday” pieces.

Damn, I am getting cynical in my old age.

So, with all that being said, what am I thankful for this Thanksgiving Day?

Here’s the short list.

• That the whole election is over and done with.  I am trying not to expect anything too much from Obama, but it would be nice if he was able to bring about some of that change he was talking about.
• Our men and women in uniform, around the globe.  There are no words that can express my thanks for each and every one of you.  In addition, their are no words that can adequately express my shame and revulsion at the way our returning veterans are being treated.  Each and every one of you has given your all for this country, and that is the least you can expect from your country in return.
• That I still have a job and will be able to return to limited duty on Monday.  YEAH!!!  You can only watch so much daytime TV before your brain starts to rot.
• My friends who have stood by my over the years.  My second family who always seem to be there when I least expect them and need them most.
• The ability to share my thoughts in this forum.  Every once in a great while, i will get a small thank you or some other form of appreciation that allows me to go on writing.  I truly love what I do and am glad there are a select few out there who appreciate it.

So, there you have it America, your smarmy thanksgiving piece, Angry Jew Style.

A small note for those of you who are going to head out to stimulate our economy tomorrow, take it easy on the folks working retail this season.  Keep in mind, it is not their fault that they are out of stock, don’t have it in your size or color and have no control over the price or the number of registers that are open.

Remember, this is the time of year we are supposed to pretend to love on another, so send a little love their way.

Anyone who has read this site for any length of time knows that I am a huge supporter of Law Enforcement.  I honestly believe that those who wear the badge are the unsung heroes of our society.  With that in mind, I am quick to address anything that might harm the reputation of those who stand between us and the chaos.

With that in mind, you can understand my reaction when I caught a piece in the Dallas Morning News Crime Blog that featured this flier.

A Law Enforcement Officer holding an all you can drink beer bash at Hooters?  This can’t be right.  According to the article, the event was being hosted by the newly elected Constable of Dallas County; Precinct 5, Jamie Cortez, as a political fund raiser.

Now call me old fashioned, but isn’t holding a law enforcement fund raiser where all you can drink beer is being served NOT in the best interests of public safety?

My first thought was that this had to be some kind of DUI sting.

Well, not being one to leave well enough alone, I decided to find out what the heck this thing was all about.

I started by going to the source and attempted to contact Constable Cortes directly.  On reaching his office and explaining who I was, an independent journalist from Portland,Oregon, and the reason for my call,  a very nice lady asked me to hold for Constable Cortes.  After 15 minutes I decided that this was getting me nowhere fast and decided to take another tack.

I next attempted to contact The Hon Craig Watkins, District Attorney of Dallas County, Texas to see if he had any comment on a law enforcement official getting his supporters plastered.  Alas, the public information officer for the office was out of town for the holiday weekend and could not be reached.  When I called the main number, I was told she was the only person who could comment for the District Attorneys Office.  Another dead end.

Now a lesser man might have given up at this point, after all, we are talking Texas here, for all I knew this kind of thing was a normal and accepted practice there.  After all, don’t they have drive thru liquor stores or some such nonsense.

Well I decided to take one more crack at getting to the bottom of this whole thing and contacted Derrick Evans, Dallas County Constable for Precinct 1.

In relatively short order I was speaking with Constable Evans and explained the reason for my call.  He expressed surprise that Constable Cortes would hold an alcohol related event.  He told me he would try to get a hold of Constable Cortes and have him give me a call.

True to his word, a scant 15 minutes later, I was speaking with Constable Cortes.

He explained to me that the whole thing was a big misunderstanding.  The event was not a political fund raiser as reported in the original article, but instead was a charity event to raise money to buy toys for underprivileged children.  He went on to explain that the flier should have read all you can eat wings and BEVERAGES, not beer.  He blamed the error on Hooters management using a format for his flier from a similar event that did feature beer.

Well there you have it, a simple misunderstanding and a humorous piece for The Angry Jew.  All in a days work.  That was until this morning.

When I sat down to write this piece, I saw that the original article had been updated.  The update read as follows;

UPDATE: Constable Cortes has sent out another notice to say that his Hooters function is a private affair — by RSVP only! You must have a ticket to get in. Try to contain your disappointment.

I have tried to contact Kevin Krause, the Dallas Morning News reporter to wrote the origional article, to compare notes and find out what exactly is going on with this event.  I will post an update if we connect.

Until then, all I can say is I am all about helping needy children, but if I were in Dallas on December 17, I would probably avoid driving anywhere around the downtown Hooters location, just to be on the safe side.

Many thanks To Dallas Morning News reporter Kevin Krause for taking the time to bring me up to speed on this story.

As well informed as I try to be, I can’t seem to keep up with all the government bail out programs going on.

Treasury Secretary “Shifty” Paulson unveiled $800 billion in new loans and debt purchases on Tuesday, hoping another infusion of cash can help unfreeze troubled credit markets and make borrowing easier for home buyers, small businesses and students.

Now, I thought the bail out fund was $700 billion, so that puts us 100 billion in the hole, right?  And 350 billion of that was supposed to be left for Obama to spend.

OK, now try to keep up as we break this down.

The Federal Reserve said it will buy 500 billion in mortgage backed securities and 100 billion in debt from Fannie May and Freddie Mac, so there is 600 billion.

The Federal reserve and The Treasury Department announced that they would would lend up to $200 billion to holders of asset-backed securities supported by car loans, credit card loans, student loans, and business loans guaranteed by the Small Business Association.  Somehow this is supposed to stimulate the credit markets so that consumers can toss away the lessons they have learned over the last 12 months and go back to living beyond their means.  I guess we will just ignore the fact that our debt based economy WAS NOT FREAKING WORKING.  Who am I to point out that the new reality seems to be working down here at the bottom of the food chain.  The program would be seeded with $20 billion in “credit protection” from the Treasury Department, which is drawing the money from the original $700 billion bailout.

Yes, Americans are spending less, which is bad for big business, but it is also showing the true market force of supply and demand.  I give you the price of gasoline and air travel.  The price of fuel went up, so we learned to conserve, to drive less, and now, the price of gas drops.  Good for us, bad for them, so that can’t be right.

The airlines, faced with higher costs, raised ticket prices, started charging fees for pillows and peanuts, and cut 10% of their capacity, the equivilant of grounding an entire major airline. Americans said OK, we just wont fly as much.   This resulting drop in air travel has forced the airlines to drop ticket prices for the upcoming  holiday season.  Consumers are now finding ticket prices as much as $90 dollars cheaper then they were just 2 months ago.  Good for us, bad for them, so that can’t be right.

On top of all that, Democratic leaders in Congress are gearing up to move quickly on an economic recovery package that aides said could cost more than $500 billion. The goal is to have a legislative package approved by the House and the Senate and ready for Mr. Obama to sign, perhaps on his first day in office, in January.

So lets see if I have this straight.

700 Billion

Minus

350 billion for Obama to spend,

Minus

600 Billion in new programs,

Minus

200 Billion to jump start the credit markets

Equals

See, this can’t be right.  According to my math that leaves us $450 Billion Dollars in the red, and we have not even talked about the bail out that the auto industry is going to get when they present their business plan (chuckle, that’s going to make some interesting reading) to Congress in December.

Can someone explain to me why we are not allowing our economy to evolve into something that works and we are instead pumping billions we don’t have into a system that  clearly doesn’t work, because the numbers sure don’t seem to add up.

Friends, I am writing this post to save my life.

Through the course of my recovery there has been a long distance friend who has been doing everything she can to keep my spirits up and a smile on my face.  She was very hurt not to get a mention on this page.

So, for all the world to see, i wish to publicly thank Ohio Christy,AKA Angelblueeyes, a long time friend and supporter of the Angry Jew, for all her efforts to keep my spirits up while I have been going this painful experience.

It was great to know there was someone out there that I could be my natural, cranky, “Leave me alone, I’m in pain, why aren’t you here to baby me” self.

I know you would have been here if you could and I appreciate you accepting all of my doped up middle of the night phone calls.

YOU ROCK!

There, now that i have mentioned her, maybe she will stop beating me up.  Damn….did I wrote that down?

Parents in a New Jersey school district are attempting to pressure school administrators to fire an elementary school cafeteria worker and playground monitor because of her background in porn.

 Meet Louisa C. Tuck, a former porn star gone legit.  For the past five years, Louisa has been serving up tater tots and wiping noses at a Vineland NJ elementary school and  some parents, along with the president of the local board of education, want her gone.

Fortunately, legal advisers are telling the board that they have no legal recourse. 

“We have no real legal stance
or legal right to do anything for two reasons — one, it’s not illegal,
and two, it’s not on school time,” Superintendent Charles Ottinger told
the The Daily Journal .

Tuck, who went by the name of
Crystal Gunns when she starred in adult movies, performances and
photos, told the newspaper it’s been five years since she was involved
in the adult entertainment industry. She now also works with children
at the local YMCA.

For what it is worth, I say leave poor Louisa alone.  As long as she is out of the business, she has as much right as anyone else to hold her part time job working with the kids.  

And besides, what normal school boy is going to cut class when he gets to look at her during recess.

Steven Padgett, a mail carrier in Apex, North Carolina, is my new hero.

The “pudgy, kindly” 58 year old received probation in Federal court last week for failing to deliver third class “junk” mail to the postal customers on his route for the last seven years. Instead, this public servant was taking it home , burying it in his yard, and stacking it in his garage.

His good works were undone when a utility worker noticed bins of undelivered mail stacked on his back porch.  Postal authorities found hundreds of thousands of pieces of undelivered advertising, but not a single piece of first class mail such as bills or letters.

It was no surprise that not a single person on his route ever complained to authorities about not receiving coupons and catalogs.  In fact, many following his case in The Raleigh News and Observer praised Padgett in letters to the editor.  One such letter stated that “…mailman Steve should receive a commendation…”

Mailman Steve could have received as much as 5 years in prison and fined as much as $250,000 for his “crime”.  Instead, federal Judge James Dever gave him “credit for a life well lived” and sentenced him to 3 years probation, a $3,000 fine and 500 hours of community service.

Way to go Steve.  You Rock.