The Angry Jew

The rantings of an Angry Jew in The Pacific Northwest

Too Fracking Funny.




70’s porn icon Marilyn Chambers, who went from Ivory Snow Spokes Model to Behind The Green Door, was found dead in her Los Angeles home Sunday morning.  She was 56.

Chambers happened to see an advertisement for a casting call and rushed to the audition, only to find it was for a porno film.   She was about to leave when the Mitchell brothers noticed her resemblance to Cybil Shepard, agreed a wholesome blonde actress was needed for the film, and stopped her.

Chambers, who was initially ambivalent about starring in Behind the Green Door, asked Artie and Jim Mitchell brothers for a $25,000 salary and a percentage of the gross, never expecting they would agree. After filming concluded, she informed them that she was “the Ivory Snow Girl”; the Mitchells capitalized on this by billing her as the “99 and 44/100% pure” girl.   Ivory Soap quickly dropped her after discovering her double life as an adult film actress. Nearly every adult film she made following this incident featured a cameo of her Ivory Snow box.

She was noted for her enthusiastic performances of deep throat, anal, lesbian, interracial, extreme bukkake, and double or triple penetration scenes. She was one of the first female stars to shave her pubic hair, a practice now routine for porn actresses. She was reputedly one of the first porn actresses to have her genitals pierced.

Foul play is not suspected in her death and an autopsy is pending.

The Angry Jew Award for Best Celebrity Excuse For Misbehavior goes to Actor and 420 pal Woody Harrelson.

Harrelson, the veteran star of Cheers, Natural Born Killers and countless late night trips to the local convenience store cookie aisle released this statement after he was involved in a physical altercations with a “Leecharatzi” in an New York airport.

“I wrapped a movie called ‘Zombieland,’ in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character,” Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist.

“With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie,”

Ah yes, the old zombie defense.

The only thing that could make my day more complete would be to hear that Mel Gibson’s wife served him with divorce papers the day before Good Friday and that there was no prenup.

Dear Merciful GOD…say it is not true.

Not Safe For Work


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What exactly would it take to offend Celebretard Mom of the Year Kathy Hilton, mother of Paris.

You see what I am saying here.  You would think it would have to involve her daughter and farm animals.  Oh, wait a minute, she didn’t speak out against The Simple Life, so I guess that rules that one out.

Well apparently, Kathy is miffed at Republican presidential candidate John McCain for using her daughter in one of his ad’s attacking Obama’s celebrity status.

McCain, the Republican presidential candidate, said last week that his campaign ad mocking Democrat Barack Obama with images of Hilton and singer Britney Spears was part of an attempt to inject humor into the presidential race.

The ad plays on Obama’s popularity by dismissing him as a mere celebrity, like Hilton and Spears. The Obama campaign has said the ad is proof that McCain would rather launch negative attacks than debate important issues.

Said Hilton, “It is a complete waste of the country’s time and attention at the very moment when millions of people are losing their homes and their jobs and it is a completely frivolous way to choose the next president of the United States.”

Well Kathy, maybe you should have thought of that before you gave him $4,600 in donations.

So, in essence, your daughter slutting it up on video is fine, but use her image in a presidential campaign ad and all of a sudden the mommy gene kicks in.

You have to love Hollywood.

Another rumor of a Brittany Spears sex tape surfaced Monday, after police responded to her home over the weekend on a burglary call.  Spears parents reported the break in at her Beverly Hill mansion and stated that “personal items” had been taken.

Her manager, Sam Lufti, who is currently barred from having any contact with Spears following service of a 21 day restraining order, is said to have been interviewed by police in connection with the burglary.

Insiders claim that the items taken may have been tapes of the Pop Tart engaging in sex with multiple partners and using drugs.

Now, friends, there was a time that news like this would have had me Googleing like crazy.  In her pre-shaved head, not so crazy days, she was hot.  Oh come on, we all wanted to see her naked.  That is, until we did see her naked.

We have all seen the pictures of Brittany going “Commando” with Paris and I have to tell you, that was one ugly cooch.

Personally, I would rather see the Heath Ledger party video then have to watch Brittany moaning “Do Me Y’ALL”.

I got a call this morning from The X asking why “…your talking all about politics  and stuff and you have not written a word about Heath Ledger.”

Why, indeed.

Let’s see.  The economy is tanking, The Democrats are sniping at each other, body parts being ripped off across the pond…I have a pretty full plate here.

The bottom line is… I really don’t care.

Maybe I am suffering from Brittany Burn Out.  Every day there is something new about her in the news, and to be honest, all I want to read is her obituary and to be done and move onto the next flavor of the moment.  The woman can’t seem to make it into a courtroom and is featured every day, yet, Keefer Sutherland just completed a 45 day jail stay without controversy or special treatment and there is barely a peep out of the media.

I was more upset to see that Suzanne Pleshette and Sam the Butcher from the Brady Bunch had died.

I saw a few of his movies and he was alright.  Nothing about his acting really jumped out at me.  he apparently turned in an outstanding performance in Brokeback Mountain, a movie I will more then likely never see.  Gay Cowboys?  I’ll pass.

When the autopsy comes in, I will bet it was an accidental drug overdose that did him in, but I am sure it will be covered as something else.  Whether his fame or that feeling of invulnerability that seems to come with celebrity did him in will probably never be known.

Bottom Line…I just don’t care.

I know you are going to think I am making this up, but Britney Spears, the white trash poster child, is in negotiations to with a French film maker to play The Virgin Mary in a retelling of the tale of the birth of Christ.

The project, entitled Sweet Baby Jesus, tells the story of “a pregnant 19-year-old unsure of her baby’s paternity who goes into labor on Christmas Eve in Bethlehem, Maryland, as rumors swirl that the birth is Jesus Christ’s second coming.”

I think I just heard Mel Gibson’s head explode.