The Angry Jew

The rantings of an Angry Jew in The Pacific Northwest

Hate can be a strong word, but as you are about to see, sometimes it is the only word that fits.

Not “annoyed by”, not irritated, I am talking full on, no holds barred, HATE.

If nothing else, this will explain why I am truly The ANGRY Jew.

So, my plan for Super Bowl Sunday was simple enough.  I had gone out, had my Sunday Breakfast and read my paper.  All I had to do was gather my stuff, hit the coffee shop, pick up a few things at the grocery store and then drive over to Kwazy Kate’s palce for the game.

Simple, right?

I made it to my first stop, my local MegloCoffee.  I know, I have railed on this place for years, but it is nothing if not convenient .  To my surprise, there was only a small group in front of me in line.  Usually the place is a mob scene.  Anyway their was an older couple with an 8 year old Asian girl.  I frittered away a few minutes running several scenarios of the group dynamic, some humorously obscene, and finaly decided it was Grandma and Grandpa  taking their adopted granddaughter out for a treat.

Little did I know I had become trapped behind Mr Indecisive.

As Grandpa reached the head of the line Grandma and the tyke took a table to wait.  Apparently Mr Indecisive had never ordered coffee before.

“Hon, do you want low fat of non-fat?”

“Hon, do we want grande or tall?”

“Hon, do you want chocolate chip or double chocolate?”

All this was yelled into my face as Grandma and the youngling had taken a table directly behind me.

Well Mr Indecisive finally got his drink order just the way he wanted when he asked the Barista, “Now, what do you have to eat?”

“Oh Fuck This” I muttered none to quietly as I headed for the exit, earning me a pained smile from the barista and a startled look from Mr Indecisive.

I headed a few blocks down the road to a local chain coffee shop.

Not a lot of cars in the lot, not a lot of people inside, looks good.

HAHA, so you might think.

This time I get stuck behind Mr Information.  He apparently had to know the exact molecular configuration of a “Berry Berry Smoothie” before placing his order.  Finally he moved on and it was my turn to place my order, a vanilla latte.  How hard should that be?

Well it might be easier if the two snarky barista’s were not peeved at their boss for denying them the opportunity to attend some “awesome” Super Bowl Party, an offense that they went on and on and on about at the expense of making my coffee.

I tried the polite “Um, Hello, customer waiting” cough to get them on the right track.

No response.

So then I tried a quiet “Excuse me”.

It was like I was not there.

So I pulled out the “Pardon me while I cough up a Smurf on your counter” cough.

Works every time.

With my drink in hand, I headed out for the Drive To Kwazy Kate’s.

I am really starting to love the drive out to her place.  It was a beautiful day, lots of blue sky, driving through rural Oregon farm land.  Very peaceful and relaxing.  Right up until I got stuck behind everybody’s favorite driver, Mr. Law Enforcement.

You know the guy, the one who feels it his job to ensure that no speeding takes place by driving 45 in a 55 on a one lane road where passing is forbidden.

Still and all, it is a beautiful day and I have plenty of time before I have to be a Kate’s.  I take a sip of my coffee and start cursing as the bitch in the coffee shop has given me hazelnut instead of vanilla.

Deep Breath…Beautiful Day…Fun With Kate and the boys…Oregon has a death penalty…my calm is restored.

I get to the turn off, Mr Law Enforcment goes left, I go right, and I make it to Kate’s little town without further incident.  A quick stop to make at the grocery store and I am home free.

The store is not to crowded, I quickly grab my three items and drop into the express line, where I promptly get stuck behind Miss New Age Parent.

Miss New Age Parent is attempting to “open a dialog” with her brat of a four year old who has become peevish because mommy wont allow him to have one of every candy item in the check out line.  He voices his displeasure with the situation by screaming at a volume that causes the dog tied up outside the entrance of the store to explode.  She continues to attempt to “reason” with him.  I can not resist, I have been through too much already.

“So” I inquire, “How is that new age parent thing working out for ya?”

Mom looks daggers at me, the checker giggles, the child continues to scream, causing the bag boys ears to begin to bleed.

I continue.

“I hear sometimes an open handed swat on the ass works wonders.”

Mom pays for her groceries and leaves somewhere between a huff and a snit.

My day is now complete.

I make it to Kate’s without having to deal with any of the sub species of vermin who populate our planet, calm, relaxed and secure in the knowledge that about 75% of the people out there just plain SUCK.

Robbie!  We don not use the word retarded in this house!  We say Sarah Palin.

Kwazy Kate admonishing her son for his use of language

OK friends, buckle in, this is going to be a long one.

This morning I read an Op/Ed piece by Oregonian columnist Steve Dunn that left me speechless, and we all know how hard it is to do that to me.

A few days ago, Portland Police shot and killed a subject who, they were told, wanted to commit “Suicide By Cop.”  He was despondent over the death of his brother, Officers were told by his girlfriend that he might have a gun.  This was a high sphincter factor call.

Police were able to talk the man out of his apartment, and , it is alleged (I will use the word alleged as the investigation is still ongoing) that the man, after being hit with several bean bag rounds, reached for the small of his back.  An officer fired a single shot from his AR15 rifle, striking the subject in the back, killing him instantly.

Did this man have to lose his life?

That is the question Dunn addressed in his column.

You can read his piece here in it’s entirety, I encourage you to do so.

What follows is my response, that I will be submitting for publication.

I wish to take exception with Mr Steve Dunn’s commentary piece in today’s Oregonian.

In particular, his conclusion that ;

“In Washington state, where folks are still reeling from the murders of four cops in a Lakewood coffee shop, I doubt anyone would question this outcome. That community’s expectations have been reshaped by the violence visited upon the police.

In Portland, however, our expectations and the police training remain at odds. We want the cops to be more cautious before they make a fatal mistake. Their training — as grand juries and district attorneys understand — doesn’t afford them that luxury.”

My question is this.

What do you know about police training Mr Dunn?

Have you ever walked through a door in response to a domestic violence call at 3AM, not knowing what you will find behind it?

Have you ever had to make any decision in a split second, knowing that your decision might end a human life?

Have you ever bothered to take a grave yard ride along with the men and women we ask to place their lives on the line each and every day, and see first hand what they deal with?

I am going to guess that you have not, otherwise, you might just realize how laughable and tragic your conclusion that officer training is to blame for the death of Arron Campbell.

The responding officers to the scene did not create the situation that lead to his death, Mr Campbell did.  Officers at the scene did what they had to do to protect the community from the situation Mr Campbell created by his actions.  I can not help but wonder that if Officer Frashour had had held his fire and Mr Campbell had been armed and killed a citizen, would you then be criticizing police for failing to take action to prevent a  needless tragedy?

The fact of the matter, police training exists for the sole purpose of protecting police officers making split second, life and death decisions and to protect the lives of the citizens who they have sworn an oath to protect.

It takes less then 5 seconds to draw and fire a weapon.  Police are not trained to wait and see what is going to transpire in that 5 seconds, they are trained to react in a manner that neutralizes the threat.  As this incident clearly illustrates, less then lethal weapons, such as the bean bag shotgun round, are not 100% percent effective.  Despite several of them being fired, Mr Campbell was still able to react in a manner as to indicate he was still a potential threat to the community.  It was HIS actions that prompted Officer Frashour to fire his weapon.

I would suggest to you Mr Dunn, that you contact The Portland Police and ask them to allow you to take some time on a shoot/no shoot simulator.  This is a video system that presents typical police scenarios and allows an individual to respond with deadly force if they believe it is warranted.  I am sure your own experiences might change your point of view.

Until then Mr Dunn, I submit that you have no idea what your are talking about.

I grieve for the family of Mr Campbell, as I do for Officer Frashour, who will have to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life.

As a member of this community, my expectation of the officers sworn to protect me is simple, that they follow the policies set down by the superiors and that they return home to their families whole.

I myself, will wait for the conclusion of the investigation before I make any judgments on whether or not Officer Frashour’s actions have met my expectations.

The Angry Jew

Of course, this does not apply to ME, but I had to share this bit from last nights Daily Show.  Sometimes I am ashamed to be a man.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Male Inequality
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Sarah Palin and her Public Relations firm, FOX News, have me scratching my head about her upcoming appearance at a teabagging tea party convention.

My question is, what is going to happen to her paycheck.

You see, Sarah is getting a $100,000 payday for speaking at the convention, which, surprise, surprise, is being boycotted by the largest of the tea party organizations for becoming too commercial.

In an article dated today on FOX News.com, FOX says that,

She indicated she would donate her speaking fee toward other candidates and causes.

“I will not benefit financially from speaking at this event. My only goal is to support the grassroots activists who are fighting for responsible, limited government — and our Constitution,” she wrote.”In that spirit, any compensation for my appearance will go right back to the cause.

Not that I don’t believe thinly veiled political promises, heaven forbid, but nowhere in either the FOX or USA articles does it say exactly HOW this money is going to get to which specific cause.

With these questions in mind, I have sent the following email to SarahPAC, her political action committee.

I have a quick question regarding the fee Governor Palin will be receiving for her upcoming appearance at the Tea Party Convention.
In her USA Today column published today, Governor Palin states;
“I will not benefit financially from speaking at this event. My only goal is to support the grassroots activists who are fighting for responsible, limited government — and our Constitution,” she wrote.”In that spirit, any compensation for my appearance will go right back to the cause.”
Could you please provide me with some specifics about where the $100,000 speaking fee she is scheduled to receive is going?  As a fence sitting, non-committed voter, I would like to know more about how this money is to be spent.
Any information you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
Warmest Regards
The Angry Jew
Beaverton, OR

I will be sure to share whatever information I receive.

Kiss my Tuchas, Sugar Tits.

 


On the surface, one might dismiss PETA’s latest demand for protection of an animal species from a time honored American tradition as just more of the groups wackiness, but I fear there may be a much more insidious purpose at work here.

In recent weeks, PETA has demanded that Punxsutawney Phil, Americas beloved rodent prognosticator of weather, be replaced by a robot.

In late January, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals sent a letter urging that the people of Gobblers Knob, PA. replace the real Phil with an animatronic one — a robot. In the letter, the animal activists wrote,

“Groundhogs are typically shy animals and are likely to feel fear and stress when they are out of their burrows. Each year on February 2, Punxsutawney Phil is trotted out to face human handling and hundreds of noisy people, flashing lights, and cameras. The animals used for Groundhog Day events are deprived of their natural hibernation periods.”

Now, while it is true that Phil is deprived of one days sleep out of the entire winter, I hardly think this is a good reason to end a tradition that has gone on since 1887.  In fact, it might be surprising to hear that while the group responsible for Phil actually agrees with most of what PETA stands for, they do point out that Americas Groundhog has it pretty plush.

“….he’s treated better than the average child in Pennsylvania. He lives in an air-conditioned home in the summer and a heated building at the zoo in the winter. He has running water, someone who feeds him, and he even gets an annual physical.”

So, why is it that PETA, a group that presents itself as an organization wanting equal rights for all of God’s creatures, is attempting to cancel Phil’s good deal?

Well it is obvious.

They have a hidden agenda.

PETA WANTS TO ENSLAVE THE ROBOTS OF THE WORLD.

It is as clear as the nose on their monkey licking faces.  Protecting animals is only a means to an end, a smoke screen to hide their goals of robot domination.  After all, he who controls the robots controls the world.

However my friends, there is still time to stop PETA.

I am announcing the creation of PETR (pronounced Peter), People For The Ethical Treatment of Robots.  As members of PETR, we can band together and stop the exploitation of our mechanical friends by these enraged Bunny Huggers.

PETR can stand in stiff opposition to PETA’s plans.  It will be a hard fight but I know that we can give those PETA geeks a hard pounding.

Who is ready to show the world the power of PETR?

Join Today!

Many thanks to Kwazy Kate for inspiring this piece of silliness.

OK Facebook Fans of The Angry Jew, you are actually going to have to go to the website to enjoy this new feature, so go ahead and slide your mouse over and give a click.

Many of you know The Secret Alien as a talented writer, a sharp tongued commentator and an overall foil for many of my atempts at [political humor, but did you know he is also an extremely talented musician?

HA…I thought not.

Well after much prodding, I have finally convinced him, he does not share my love of shameless, self promotion, to add a music player featuring his origional compositions to my site.

I am not really a fan of electronica/dance music, but I could listen to this stuff all day long.

Take a moment and give a listen, you won’t be sorry.

Now, since you are here, check out this Canadian band, Hedley, that Kwazy Kate turned me on to.

Good Stuff




Thats right fans, The bad ass brawlers are back.  The Cherry City Derby Girls are BACK.  Saturday March 6th is the date.  The Pavilion at the Salem Fairgrounds is the place.  Gates open at 6, bout starts at 7.  Tickets are available NOW.

Just click the link to get your tickets now, but get them early, I promise you they are going to sell out fast.

This is the best ten bucks you are ever going to spend.

Come join the Angry Jew Derby Crew in The Crash Zone for a party you are not going to believe.

See you there!

Geeks and nerds in Wisconsin just found another reason to avoid doing anything that may lead to jail time.

Kevin T Singer, serving a life sentence for first degree intentional homicide, had filed a federal lawsuit against Waupun Prison after officials denied him the right to play the fantasy role playing game Dungeons and Dragons.  He claimed losing the right to play the game. of which he had been a fan of since a child, violated his rights to free speech and due process.

He lost.

For the non geeks out there, Dungeons and Dragons players create fictional characters and carry out adventures, often working together as a group with the help of complicated rules.

Prison officials enacted the ban after another prisoner expressed concerns that Singer and three other prisoners were  forming a “gang” focused around playing the game.

Hmmm.

I am so glad that shower rape and shankings are no longer a problem in Wisconsin’s prisons and that officials now have time to address the real problems facing those poor incarcerated souls.  After all, we cant have prisoners learning problem solving skills, teamwork and dealing with complicated rules now, can we.

That could lead to possible rehabilitation, which of course might lead to less inmates returning prison, which could destroy the whole fabric of American life.

I salute the forward thinking prison officials who purged this scourge from inside their walls.  If these prisoners want to do something banned by officials, let them do it the old fashioned way.  I bet having a friend try to smuggle them a 16 sided die in their rectal cavity will teach them not to flaunt societies rules.

Let these four get back to the REAL purpose of incarceration.  Gangs that are formed around animal survival and racial segregation, man on man rape, drug trafficking and intimidation.